I love understanding how people are made up and what makes us operate the way we do. My favorite courses in college were Psychology and Sociology. They were the only textbooks from classes that I actually kept because I knew I would have an interest in referring to them later on. People fascinate me. We’re all made up so differently, each of us having unique life experiences that contribute to who we are.
My college campus minister at Clemson always used to say, “It’s important to know how you’re wired.” Know how you’re wired? That’s the first time I had ever heard it put that way.
I soon learned what he meant. To understand how you’re “wired” is to understand how you’re created. It’s to understand why you are the way you are. What makes you think, feel, and act the way you do? What’s your personality type? How does your brain work? What life experiences have you been through that contribute to your personality and temperament? What makes you, you?
In getting to know other people, it’s important to understand how they’re wired as well so you can better know how to relate to them. What areas are you the same? What areas are you different? And how can you best work together?
I’ve learned a lot about myself over the years, and I’m always learning more because we, as human beings, are always changing and maturing.
Here are some specific examples of how learning about ourselves and learning about each other has helped Jordan and I within the context of our marriage:
I’ve learned that I receive love best through acts of service, but Jordan receives love best through quality time. We are wired differently in that way. So, I have to consciously remember that he feels loved most when I spend quality, one-on-one time with him. And he has to remember that teaching me or helping me with something via acts of service is the best way to show me love.
Knowing our personality types better can help explain why our first reaction in a situation might be completely different from someone else’s reaction in the same situation. For example, I know that in a conflict, my tendency is to close up and not talk about things. But, because I know this about myself and because I know this is an unhealthy way of dealing with conflict, I have to work at opening up and talking through situations even when it’s hard.
Knowing how you’re wired helps in relationship with other people, but it also helps tremendously when it comes to your relationship with God. How do you view God? How do you talk to him? How do you best learn from him? This can vary for each of us. Do you worship him best through song? Through nature? Through words, written or spoken? With other people? Alone?
So, knowing how you’re wired not only helps you understand yourself better, but helps you grow in maturity in your relationships with other people and your relationship with God. And as believers, we are never complete. God is continually changing us and teaching us and making us more like him.
1 Thessalonians 5:23- May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through.
I’ve listed some of my favorite quizzes below that can help you learn more about yourself and others. 🙂 Enjoy!
- Meyer’s Briggs (https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test)
- Enneagram (https://www.eclecticenergies.com/enneagram/dotest)
- Spiritual Gifts (https://spiritualgiftstest.com/my-account/)
- Love Language (http://www.5lovelanguages.com)
- Spiritual Temperament (https://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/growing-together-spiritually/differing-faith-expressions/your-spiritual-temperament-quiz)